Monday, March 16, 2009

Worst Mommy of the Year Award

I knew better, but I was in a hurry. I laid him on the desk, turned for 1.223 seconds to grab a folder, and off he rolled.

Seeing him there, in a little heap on the floor, I cannot describe the panic, the literally heart-stopping fear. I scooped him up, was actually happy that he was whole enough to scream (never thought I'd feel that way!) and started to comfort him, as my first conference walked in. He had a bloody nose, but was otherwise fine.

He forgave me as soon as he ate, but I haven't really forgiven myself.

Tonight, we dined with the in-laws and ahiru's sister, her lazywhitetrashlieinggoodfornothing boyfriend, and their two kids. The elder child, almost 3, has the verbal capacity of a typical 18 month old. Which I attribute (optimistically) not to her inheriting her fathers IQ of about 70 (no lie, he recently had it tested) but to the fact that she has spent the last 3 years in front of the tv while her father smokes and drinks in the kitchen and mom works. The only 2 phrases I have heard her say clearly are "I'm gonna spank your butt" and "fuck you."

Give you two guesses what she hears all day.

This all to say, that tonight at dinner, she was given beer to drink. Not in a funny 'she'll take one sip and hate it' kind of way, but in a 'she keeps asking for it and so she got a couple ounces in her glass' kind of way.

She drank it all. And asked for more. And my sister-in-law clearly has watched her do this before, because her only comment was that it was a bit more than he usually gives her.

Seriously, I am about to call child services. Here I am, wondering if it is going to hurt Pumpkin's digestion to have a couple tastes of sauce off the end of my finger, while they are laughing about how sleepy all the beer will make the 3 year old.

So altogether, I do feel better about my parenting skills tonight.

Plus the fact that Pumpkin is undeniably the cutest little boy anywhere ever.


Anonymous said...

Definitely call. Especially after you let your own child fall off a desk. You should report yourself and your relatives.

People who live in glass houses....

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