It is totally unnatural. Completely, totally, utterly... I am generally a well indoctrinated citizen of our country - I even teach civics and help indoctrinate the next generation. But this is one of those times when I would move in heartbeat, were it not such a pain in the ass.
On Wednesday, when my pumpkin is only 11.5 weeks old, my leave ends. The state of Oregon required employers to offer at least 12 weeks maternity leave. So that's what the school districts offer - 60 working days. And we only get paid for the time that we have already accumulated as sick leave. Which means that the last 7 weeks have already been unpaid, so I really can't afford more leave, even if they let me.
Which means that Thursday, 2 days before the holiday vacation starts, I have to go back to work. I love my work - I am nerdy enough that talking about geography and history and grammar all day actually floats my boat (hence the chosen career path), it's not like some people who never liked their jobs anyway. But I am having little mini, internal conniptions at the idea of leaving him all day.
And I know that I am soooo fortunate that my husband is at home, so he will be cared for by his daddy and not (expensive) strangers. This really doesn't make me feel any better, at all. He only calms down for me. He wants his mommy, which is totally natural. The real problem, of course, is that his mommy wants him too. I hate that he is even sleeping in his own room now, instead of with me - how am I supposed to concentrate on work, or students, or anything at all, when I know that he will be upset at my absence, and I won't be able to comfort him.
And this is not even to mention the fact that he does NOT like to take a bottle - as he has spent the last 6 weeks demonstrating. So it will be stressful for him, stressful for his dad, stressful for me.
Really, how am I supposed to leave every morning?
Amsterdam sounds pretty fabulous about now.