usagi & ahiru

The Huggy Phase

2010-05-19T20:29:00.001-07:00

This is definitely my favorite phase so far. The agreeable phase was nice (when the answer to everything, including "what color is that?" was "Yeeeessss"). The first words stage was lovely. The 'du-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum' (sound of him crawling down the hallway) stage was terribly cute.

The no-you-CAN'T-change-my-diaper stage was exasperating, though it was interesting to watch him really start to have an opinion. The HOOP! Ball! Hoop! stage will probably never end, judging by his daddy. The baby-lump stage was, despite the sleep deprivation, the easiest in many ways.

But his new thing is hugging. He wants to snuggle in for hugs on my shoulder, and he asks for it by name. Sometimes I know it's coming, but a lot of the time it just pops into his head that he wants a hug, and he yells "HUG!" and comes running. I find it physically impossible to deny him. Not that I try very hard.

It's also his first joke. I come home, and he is sssooo excited to see me. He talks to me through the window and points to the front door, telling me where to come in. And some days, he comes running around the couch to get to me, arms outstretched for lovies. Which he gets.

But lately, he says 'hiiiiiii' and continues playing. I ask for hugs, and he actually says no! So I say, "OK, then Mamma is going over here," and I take approximately 1.433 steps, when I hear

HHUUUUUUGS! HUG HUG!

I think he is being funny - saying the opposite of what he means, when we all know what he really wants.

Totally my favorite phase ever. At least until the next one comes.

2010-05-10T20:25:00.000-07:00

Pump˚in had his first 3 syllable word yesterday - strawberry! They are coming ripe early in my yard this year, due to the strange weather we have had. We have already had a few yummy ones, and the plants are going gangbusters here in their second year.

He also SANG for the first time! I am talking real singing too. We have a ˚ids CD by Laurie Ber˚ner, who we both love, and when Froggie Went a Courtin' came on, he started singing "uh-huh, uh-huh" which are actual lyrics to part of the chorus :-)

I choose to view this as very clear evidence that he is brilliant, with a natural gift for music. Don't even try to reason with me.

Btw - do you see what is going on in the previous paragraphs with the old crazy button? Sometimes the letter shows up, sometimes it won't. It's li˚e even my laptop is whining for summer to start.

Lastly, for tonight, I looooved the heavy rain today. It smelled so yummy!

A post without the letter k

2010-05-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

So I always feel tired this time of year. I'm not sure why. The sun is shining, the flowers are beautiful, my raised garden beds are starting to sprout (I built them with my own hands this spring! so proud of myself!).

I search way down to the depths of my (not very deep) soul, and see the answer to my blahs. The year, no matter how good or bad, has just gotten long. I pine for summer, and a real vacation. The students pine for release from me, the chairs pine for release from student butts, even the computers pine for release from our fingers.

As evidenced by the fact that my school laptop has suddenly started to reject the letter between J and L. Sometimes it says 'yeah, sure. I guess you need that letter' but other times it says "Ha! Loser! Try again...Ha! Fooled you! Guess you better get out that thesaurus, 'cuz it's not happening."

Whatever. It's a lame letter anyway. I wrote 2 handouts and this whole post without one.

Gardening

2010-04-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

Spent Pumpkin's nap today outside - mostly weeding. The strawberries out front are going gangbusters, and I had to do some (a LOT) of pre-emptive weeding out of bloomed out hyacinth and weird jurrasic looking reed things, so that they have room to grow yummy. The hubby is taking out a couple bushes that line the back of the house (we may put in pavers this summer, and turn our tiny patio into a big patio!), so the debris bin was already full before I started.

Which is my favorite way to start, because I have a really good excuse to stop any old time I want.

I also went to Jerry's (dear lord, I love that store) and got advice on removing old concrete plugs from where the fence used to be, checked out sledgehammers and chicken wire, and bought two packs of little blank garden-bed labels for my raised beds that are starting to sprout.

I actually was smart enough to write a little schematic of where I had planted what, so it's not like I need them to tell the lettuce apart from the tomato or anything. But I filled the beds in with soil from my monstrously large mulch pile (3 big raised beds only took about 2/3 of the pile), which has sat un-turned and un-taken care of since the squirrels only know when, so there are a butt-load of weeds in it. I scraped off the top layer before digging, but I am pretty sure that most of the little sprouts I see in the beds right now are weeds, not veggies or herbs. Pretty sure I say, because a tiny two-leaf sprout looks like a tiny two-leaf sprout, and how am I supposed to know which will turn into carrots and which will turn into stinkweed?

So, me being brilliant in my own mind, and an OK drawer, I looked up pictures of seedlings of all the things I planted, and drew them in sharpie on the back of all the labels, so I can weed out the bad and recognize the good! As soon as they get a little bit bigger, of course.

I also was feeling motivated, so I did all the kitchen work for Ahiru, mowed, blew the tree debris from the rock garden, spot-shotted the hairball spots on the carpet, and now am waiting for the laundry. Mostly because I am monumentally unmotivated to write this week's lesson plans.

I have a general idea of what I will do. That's good enough for goverment work - right? I find it HILARIOUS that I am payed by taxpayers, so that actually applies to my work. hehehehe.

Why I Love Middle Schoolers

2010-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

They call youngish teachers 'miss' and older teachers 'mrs,' no matter how carefully you explain your marital status

They draw me things, like hearts, gophers, bunnies, and fire-spewing slugs.

If you tell them you are awesome, they will believe you. Without any further proof!

They copy my fashion statements, maybe without really knowing where they saw it (I think I am being confused with Vogue!!!)

They write novels in their spare time.

They will do pretty much anything you ask, so long as they are promised a cookie.

They try so hard to flirt with each other, but are soooooo bad at it.

Their voices crack at embarrassing moments.

They are so enthusiastic about absolutely everything.

They are physically incapable of going a full day without gossiping.

They still want to hug their teachers.

They try really really hard to be good when the teacher isn't feeling well. Even the 'bad' ones.

They have no idea how embarrassing their current fashion statements are going to be in few years time ;-)

random angst

2010-04-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

"couch"

"You want up on the couch?"

"Yeeeeesssss"

I am unable to get over how adorable Pumpkin is. Everything he says, is cute. Even when he is screaming and arching his back on the floor to avoid the dreaded diaper change, he is beautiful. How did I get so whipped?

In related news, when does summer get here? Spring keeps teasing me - sure Steph, come on out and work in the yard. It will make you feel better. I PROMISE not to get you wet (sneaky laugh).

I want new shoes. I want to sleep in with my baby every morning. I want a reason to paint my toenails!

In not-so related news, Hubby and I are trying hard to get our groove back - we never used to get on each others cases (and last nerves) like we have been this winter. Counseling is helping some. His new meds are helping some. New work stresses aren't helping so much.

That's right folks, someone gets the butt-end of the staffing changes again this year! On the bright side, I get to keep my job, and I get to stay at my (challenging)awesome(challenging) school, and my new teaching partners is a lady I adore. On the occluded side, I was one of three who got shafted last year, and I am one of two this year - but I am the only repeat.

My take on all this depends on my stress level. When I am feeling chill, I figure it's because I am known to be pretty flexible, and willing to get things done. When the girl drama and lack of HW completion get to me, I start to figure it's because maybe I'm not as good as the other teachers, so they don't mind moving me around.

And lastly, on an equally angsty note, I would like to tell the void how much I hate being asked to talk to authority figures. I ALWAYS have this panic moment, thinking 'omg, I'm in trouble, what did I do? Am I gonna get fired? Arrested? Are they going to make me cry?' Even though my head knows I have been working hard and doing a decent job and waiting for the walk signal. Just one of those little things that reminds me I'm just as crazy as everyone else.

moaning from us both.

2010-02-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm,
the stress level in my fat little head is crazy right now. I have no idea if things are going to get better, or worse, or stay the same (really hard) as they are now. But the odds on 'better' wouldn't convince me to lay any money down.

This SUCKS because it's not something any of us did wrong. Hubby is a wonderful man, but Parkinson's doesn't care if you deserve it. The Pumpkin is an amazing little guy, but I worry that he will grow up seeing his daddy deteriorate and his parents get more and more stressed and angry all the time. Plus, this week he has pink-eye. Yay.

And I feel like what was the freaking point of doing everything the right way? Which I did. I was responsible, and thoughtful, and all of that shit, and look where I am. I didn't rush in to marriage, I waited until I was both eager for, and able to support a baby before having one. I am careful with my bills and credit, I work in a career that is hard, but fulfilling and not designed to line the pockets of a few old white guys. I recycle. I turn off the lights when I leave a room. I use more tech than most teachers in the district, largely because I hate the idea of all the clear-cuts that go into the paper in our imc.

And yet life keeps handing me rotton lemons this year. I say rotton, because you can't make lemonade out of a disabled husband who broke his hip twice in two months and now cries every time he gets out of a chair. I see no caraf of icy-cold goodness coming from the perenial state budget shortfalls that will, at their best, have me teaching much larger classes, and at the worst have me in the lay-off firing line again.

And I know that others have it way worse. I am so insanely grateful that Pumpkin is happy and healthy (current crustiness aside), and I do still have a job so far.

But I am reaching the breaking point. And it's because of the moaning. Ahiru, who used to be so brave and calm, has gone over the edge. Every single breath comes out as a moan. Every. single. one. Unless of course, there are people around to hear besides the Pumpkin and myself - he works very hard to spare others his new habit, but the two people who live with him hear it for hours at a time.

And when something hurts, he says so, over and over - not just once or twice, but 15 or 20 times, rapidly, before moving on to repetative cussing, repetetive doom-saying, and back to the moaning.

I feel like such a raging bitch, because I do know that it hurts. He's not making it up. But I can't handle hearing about it every waking second. He can't change a diaper without an unbroken stream of complaint. He can't get up, or down, or anything. And when I try to ask him to stop, he won't / can't (I go back and forth depending on my mood), and I am forced into the choice of simply listening to the stressful shit, or nagging.

Which of course starts an argument.

And now, I am bitching to the void of the internet because I am so tired of bitching at home. But this won't make any more difference than my requests to him have made.

So my stress, it's not going down.

Pumpkin to English Dictionary

2010-01-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

Someone dear to me has new words almost every day lately. He started talking at about 10 1/2 months, with "num-num," which was used for both food and eating. I keep thinking I should record some of this, so I don't forget how amazing and cute it is to watch him learn. Some days he literally wakes up and has a new word - like he was dreaming about ducks all night, and decided to say "duck" before he forgot it in the morning. So his current vocab looks something like this:

Aight= light, switch
Daoooo= down (he sounds like Dori speaking whale when he says this!)
Dat= that
juice=any drink
Dog=any unrecognized four-legged animal
wwwwuh=woof
At=cat
La-la-la=pig (thanks, Sandra Boyton)
duck=any bird
tuck=anything with wheels. Also, anything that looks like a wheel (like a floor fan)
baooo=balloon
yeah=yes
cock=chalk (for drawing on the blackboard)
ta-tuh-tuuu= toilet paper

And then there are those that strangers can understand too:
ma-ma
da-da
snack
up=his very favorite word. For a long time there was a dramatic pause before the 'p' sound - like "uuuu... PUH." So cute.
book
shoe
sock
out
stuck
sip
ball
banana
yogurt
cheese
eyes
cracker

And he still uses some signs, especially the one for more / again. I am pretty sure I am missing a few words, because sometimes he says words for a couple days and then drops them totally. I don't get that at all, but he isn't really into the metacognative discussions.

yet.

I wonder

2010-01-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

If all women are astounded every day by the beauty of their kids, or if I am just an especially huge sucker

What I will do if the budget gets cut again and I end up laid off

Why my friend hasn't answered my attempts to talk in so long

How hard would it be to tackle my kitchen cabinets

Why the population as a whole is so infatuated with sunshine, when rain feels so much better on my skin

If grandma were around, what would she think of how I turned out, impatience and all

Why I am so intrigued with the idea of blogging, but so reluctant to post regularly?

Around to Eugene in 80 blogs

2009-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Best of My Town:
Sweetlife Bakery

My very favoritist blog author Everyday Stranger is throwing a little shindig called "around the world in 80 blogs." I volunteered like an idiot, because it sounded fun, but now that it's time to post, I find that everything I have to say feels trite. As opposed, of course, to my usually brilliant prose. But here I go anyway!

My adopted home, Eugene Oregon, through mine own eyes is:

A fabulous place to raise a kid. It is quiet, folks are friendly, and artsy. We have one of the oldest handcraft markets in the country, where the products are very earthy and sometimes beautiful. Speaking of earthy, we are also home to the Country Fair, where flower power lives on and old
hippies never die.

At the same time, we bill ourselves as:

We regularly host the US Olympic trials for track and field at the University of Oregon's "Historic Hayward Field," and our most famous local heroes all seem to stem from running: Prefontaine, Phil Knight (yes, he DID invent Nike's here!), and so on.

Though lately, football has been more popular than anything else.

I LOVE that our sports are college sports - I cannot seem to get too excited over the trials and tribulations of grown men paid millions of dollars to play games. But young folk getting a free ride to college, that I can get behind.

This is the view when walking to the stadium

I love that all summer and fall I can drive less than 10 minutes to get to the farm for fresh produce

I love all the old Craftsman houses

(that I totally can't afford). I absolutely adore this place:

As does everyone else with taste buds. I love my huge old cherry in front of my house, and it's little sister the dogwood:

I love our liquid culture (micro brews in every restaurant? check. Coffee every 50 feet? check. Looking down your nose at plebeians carrying umbrellas? check.) and our liberal bent.

I miss a lot of things about Portland, but there is no way I could afford a decent house back home on a teacher's salary, so I appreciate the low(er) housing costs. I love that our rush-hour consists of a 15 minute backup at the intersection of Delta and Beltline. I love that I can get anywhere in town in 20 minutes tops. I love how hippy-dippy, alternative the vibe is here. I love that the neighborhood kids can play unsupervised in the middle of my street, and nobody minds, and everyone knows they are safe. I love how foggy it gets in the mornings. I love living in a college town.

I hate the painful dearth of Uwajimaya and Powell's. But it's a trade I can live with.

Stephanie (Usagi)

I Smell Roses

2009-12-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

who cares about edumacation, or the Egypt test tomorrow, when the civil war is tonight!

GO DUCKS!

I hope to avoid popsicle-hood tonight via a buttload of layers. And coffee. And hot chocolate. And maybe some nachos. Mmmmmmm, frozen cheesy sauce.

To bring: blanket, lip balm, $$, jingle bells (hard to make clappy noise with fat gloves on).

Oh yeah, and a beaver fan. Because I'm all chill like that.

cr**ola month

2009-11-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

And I don't mean crayola either.

Ahiru update: Came home, did great, went downhill steadily, RE-broke femur at hip, back into hospital, back into surgery, back into rehab, like the enterprise in a time-warp.

Me update: Was happy to have him home, was stressed that he was going downhill, had a minor breakdown when he became bed-ridden, was relieved to hear it was actually another break and not all in his head, have been losing weight due to stress-starving, medical bills have me totally broke in time for the holidays, am now in a holding pattern.

Pumpkin update: was stressed and upset when daddy screamed in pain, missed his daddy, couldn't visit his daddy because of swine-flu rules at hospital and rehab facility, came down with a nice little flu + fever himself, has the funniest cute little raspy baby voice, has suddenly started signing for food, more, all done, "itsy bitsy spider."

In general: One of the firemen who came to our house when we called for an ambulance to get Ahiru to the hospital was gorgeous. Seriously gorgeous. Not gorgeous like real firemen - gorgeous like Hollywood firemen. So if you are ever in the neighborhood, feel free to have an emergency. You won't regret it.

Xmas lights are up. Unlike last year, Pumpkin is looking, and loving them. He puts his hand on my jawline and shoves my head to one side to get me to look at them with him.

Had some fun highlights put in. Had fun getting all sarcastic on my students when they asked if they were real.

I smell roses! Go Ducks!

Caveat

2009-10-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

So,
the last post, about not losing focus? totally true, for at least 48 hours. Then, on top of EVERYTHING else, I lost my freaking wallet. I totally lost it - the last straw on top of the last straw.

Poor Pumpkin got to see his mommy drive across town while crying, while his daddy was still in the hospital... Hubby is now in a rehab facility working on walking again, so that is good. I have been cleaning my house almost obsessively, because with everything else I CANNOT handle looking at a mess right now.

I did get my wallet back, sans $14 but with all my id etc.

And can I just say, I have the sweetest students ever? They were so worried about me - checking about Hubby and the wallet and just generally great kiddos.

And I never knew how many wonderful people I was friends with, until they started bringing over food and supporting my family in any way they could. They are the silver lining to my life right now!

And Pumpkin just gets cuter and smarter every day. It's amazing how much your soul can focus on a child, even when everything else is crap.

growing out of stuff, again

2009-10-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin is officially one for a couple weeks now. We had to go through his stuff and get rid of all the 6to9 month clothes, as my 5th percentile charmer is finally ready for 9to12... Not that we had any. So we jumped straight to 12mo stuff, which swims on him a bit, but when your this cute, who cares?

So, pumpkin patch pictures,

bday cake in the form of Thubby Elephant (thanks Sweetlife!),

crying at mommy not to go to work, and now an official walker.

Life is crazy and wonderful.

Until.

Hubby broke his hip, so this weekend was spent at the hospital. Did you know that Riverbend emergency room is kept at approximately 40 degrees farenheight? Well, it is. So next time you go, dress for the artic. Seriously. Cords and a light jacket WILL NOT SUFFICE.

But it's actually hard to lose focus, when I have this to keep me in line!

Wild West

2009-08-30T13:38:00.001-07:00

Brushing his hair back from his face and putting his hat back on, P. P. "Sticky Hands" McGee watched the Sheriff and his latest posse ride through the valley below. From where he lay behind the scrub at the top of the dusty cliff, he could count the number of deputies, but could not see who they were. He would need to go in closer, and assess just who was a dangerous hand, and who was just filler, looking for a share in the bounty.

"Some fella's just don't know when to quit" said the outlaw to his left in a deceptively sweet voice. Many a man had woken up dizzy and toy-less after being lulled by that soft purr.

McGee looked over at her and smirked, "Wouldn't be much fun for us if they did, now would it?"

"Nah, I guess not. Here's the last of the moonshine. We had better raid a town with a daggum milk bar next time, Sticky!"

McGee drank. She was right - they were running low on supplies. An outlaw would have to look hard and long before finding a crew as tight and cunning as the September Kids, but even they would start grumble if not regularly supplied with their favorite crackers.

Sticky Hands and Jelly Belly looked down the hill behind them as they heard someone scramble up.

"Boss! I just came from base camp. Looks like some Professional Binky Hunters split off from the Sheriff a ways back, and have picked up our trail! They can't be more than a mile or two behind me."

"Oh, Poopy pants! Get to the other kids and get them here quick! Jelly Belly and I will hole up over behind those swings and hold them off. You all come around from the North and we'll pin them in. Go!" The lackey scrambled off, as Sticky and Jelly began to ready their ammo.

"Sticky, I hate to say it, but I only have one ball left."

"What? I didn't bring any - I thought you were carrying!"

"I was, but they fell out when we forded that second creek, and I couldn't exactly stop for them!"

"Oh, Poopy pants on a duck! We'll just have to do this the old fashioned way."

Sticky and Jelly made their way to the swings, and climbed up so they could jump on the binky hunters from above. Sure enough, moments later they heard footsteps and the interlopers, having dismounted to get closer to their quarry undetected, came into the little ravine.

Jelly signaled, and down they jumped! Sticky couldn't see what was going on with Jelly, but he knew she could hold her own, and focused on taking down the big brute he had landed on. It was a short struggle, and Sticky was quickly sitting astride his would-be catcher, ready to make her talk.

"How many more are coming?" The hunter just shook her head. "I ASKED you a QUESTION you drooly-bib! How many?"

"Just us P.P! I swear it! The sheriff thought for sure you'd gone west, so we struck out alone!"

Just as well, thought McGee. I wasn't planning for more trouble today. Sticky and Jelly quickly hog-tied the two hunters, and when the rest of the crew arrived they all had a good laugh at the hapless brutes.

"Well, kiddos, what do you suppose we go see what that new rattle boutique has in stock that we might like?"

Sly smiles spread around the group, and they turned as one and headed north, free to plunder another day.

Discovering the Beach

2009-06-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

The ocean was a churning grey that afternoon. Around the dessicated remains of some trees, and the occasional pile of slimy brown kelp, wind blew tiny grains of soft sand into miniature hills and ripples. Dark grey water, pale grey sand, blotchy grey clouds, the edge of the land descended into monochrome nothingness.

Out in the water, small slick heads would emerge, then sink again, then re-emerge, looking around with curiosity. Chubby, stubby looking fins paddled slowly toward the shore, in the direction of one of the large pieces of wood.

The creature considered the item as it came closer. Could be food. Maybe not. A distant memory surfaced of a similar item, a large bone with meat still clinging to it that had proved quite tasty some seasons back. This larger item seemed worth checking out.

Slowly, cautiously, nervously, the creature let the waves carry it to the shallows. To the point where it's stubby extremities touched the sand. It let the next wave push it forward, until half of it's body was unsupported by water.

Strange feeling, heavy, it began to lose nerve and was attempting to turn, but the next wave was a big one, and shoved it further up the beach. The creature huddled there, waiting for the next wave to carry it off, which didn't happen. The waves were growing smaller, the ocean quieter, the water crept slowly away from the stranded animal.

Despite the discomfort of feeling so heavy and clumsy, the creature noticed how warm the sand felt underneath it. If nothing else, here was a break from the relentless chill of the water - a break only previously felt on the creatures back when it surfaced on sunny days. The feeling of warmth on the belly was quite enjoyable.

Still hoping to find food, it tried to swim up the sand, feebly inching it's way toward the bone. Alas, it was not a bone, but only one of the sticks that sometimes floated overhead toward the shore. Defeated and having a hard time breathing, the creature struggled around until it was headed back down toward the water, and began it's swim-wiggle toward where it could see the waves.

Halfway there, it stopped to rest. Smelling something interesting, it began mouthing a nearby rock, only to discover that it cracked easily, and was delicious inside!

Aha! This was one of the shells that were so hard to pry from the rocks - but here it was laying out in the open, washed ashore by the waves.

As the creature lumped its way to the waves at last, it considered it's luck in finding the shell. It would have to try that again sometime!

Flying

2009-06-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

Aaah - Holy crap am I really doing this?

Yes! yes yes no no no ok OHMYGOD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

awesome! awesome cool WOO HOO

Look at the little ants down there! So freaking far away!

Jeezuz that wind feels fabulous - I hear squeels and coos and laughing

look at all that rushing up - parachute?

CRAP parachute - cord - cord - cord

holycrapwhereisthecor - oh, got it

ooof! Wonder if anyone ever got wiplash from that? Better whiplash than pancaked, he he he

all right, coming in for a landing - I have GOT to do that again!

Music Man

2009-06-14T18:08:00.000-07:00

His talent for tickling the ivories was evident from an awfully early age. As long as he could remember, people had commented on his "piano fingers" and he did agree that he had very elegant hands. What became evident a bit later, however, was infinitely more interesting to Pumpkin - namely, music attracts the girls.

Even more than his lovely hands, or musical talent, it was his suave stylings with the lady-folk that made the other men jealous. With a glance over the shoulder, and a smile that melted all humans of the feminine persuasion, he never lacked for attention at parties, or snuggles whenever he desired.

Tonight was no different. The lovelies were scattered around the room, glancing his way but too shy to approach. Pulling out his (every often) tried and (invariably) true techniques, he casually worked his way through the crowd, arriveing after a few minutes at the elegant piano under the window.

Another young man had been playing previously, to some general smiles but no lasting success. Pumpkin set about showing the other young men how it is done. He laid his delicate fingers on the ivory, and began to lightly play.

The soft coos of appreciation were, of course, immediate. Some nearbye couples admired his technique, but he outwardly ignored their compliments, choosing to appear unaffected by the stir he was making. Sure enough, after only a few moments a lovely tall, towheaded young lady sidled over to watch him and strike up a conversation. She was charming, with big blue eyes and pouty lips. Perfect.

As she briefly left his side to get them both fresh drinks, he allowed himself a short, gloating smile. Music never fails the Pumpkin.

My first taste of "rice"

2009-05-20T20:06:00.001-07:00

Journal entry: early April, year 1 of my stay.

My guides had been cranky for a while. While I still had not deciphered most of their language, they were using tones that I had come to recognize - they were hungry.

As they chauffeured me around town, letting me watch the newly leafing trees go zooming by, they referenced several times something I had not really heard before since arriving here for my studies. I surmised that we would be dining on a delicacy called 'soo-shee.'

Upon entering the dining establishment there was an unexpected surprise waiting for me. While this might be considered embarrassing back home, I have become quite accustomed to having the female guide force me to use her legs as my chair, even as my balance has improved. This night, however, she consulted with the food-bringing lady, who quickly returned bearing a small throne, upon which I was placed.

Not having expected this, I was at first taken aback. Was there some specialized thanks or ritual I was expected to perform upon receipt of this honor? My guides did not seem to watch me for any particular behavior, so I decided to relax and practice my faux spoon-eating exercises, as per normal.

Until the food was presented to us.

It was food the likes of which I had never seen. I had noticed that my guides were not using the regular eating utensils on their salads - somehow manipulating long wooden sticks to pick up their food. Most of this did not interest me at first, but the longer I watched them, the more my stomach started to rumble, until I decided to brave the unknown cuisine for myself.

Upon pointing and trying to make my choice known, I was presented with a small bowl filled with tiny white pieces of some new food-substance.

Though I did request some eating-sticks of my own, I was forced to use my hands. I have not yet deciphered why it is that I am not allowed to use the same utensils I see my guides use on a regular basis. I have made my desire to use these tools known many times, but I am repeatedly rebuffed. But I digress.

The food was entirely white, granular, and had a very mild taste to it. It was also sticky.

The more I tried to manipulate it for eating, the more it stuck to every surface it contacted. I ended up with very little of it in my mouth. Most was attached to my hands, clothes, and the throne.

Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable experience. As per usual, the flirtatious females of this culture were unable to resist smiling and cooing at me. It has come to my attention that my hair is of particular attraction to them. My guides at a number of small pieces of food that looked interesting, but I refrained from tasting them on this occasion, as the white grains were frustrating enough for one night. Before too long I requested to go home for a short nap, and after forcing me to rid myself of the sticky grains, my guides obliged me.

I continue to attempt mastery of their strange customs, but they are quite elaborate and difficult to learn. I will report more soon.

Pumpkin

next size up

2009-03-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin turned 6 mos on Thursday, while at the Gt. Grandparent's house. I am kind of sad at how fast he is growing - he is so amazing and perfect and fun at this age, I am not ready for him to be moving this fast.

While watching some home video from last Thanksgiving, Ahiru and I noticed how dark Pumpkin's hair used to be. For the first few months, it was almost as dark as mine! Now it is much paler, and we think he might end up copper-topped like my dad.

Which got me thinking about all the things that he has grown out of already, and all through the (7hr) drive home, I was listing in my head the things that he has already grown out of.

It makes me sad.

Size-wise, he is still comfortably in the 6mos clothes. He above average length, but lighter than the other boys (and some of the girls) in the Bto3 group. Not underweight, and not skinny, just not as chubby as many babies get. I personally am convinced that this is because it takes a LOT of calories to maintain the faux-hawk!

He has pretty much given up the booby-laugh. For several months, if he was hungry (but not to the point of fussing) he would give this little "heh-heh-heh" laugh when I lifted my shirt. Then it changed to a big grin at the shirt going up, and he would laugh (without unlatching :-) ) when the milk came down, which cracked me up every single time. He still gets excited to eat when hungry, but the sound effects have gone away, which I miss quite a lot.

He doesn't gurgle at me anymore either. When he first learned how to make a gurgle sound, he did it constantly and found never ending amusement when I did it back to him. Being such a big boy, he has moved on to raspberries. The first time he blew one, Ahiru and I just about busted a gut laughing. He pursed his lips, tensed up his entire body, made a couple "p" sounds, then some squeaks, then finally blew a mini raspberry. With about 3 quarts of accompanying spittle flying around the room. Now he can do them whenever he pleases, due to the 3 of us practicing constantly. What's a little boy without fart noises, anyway?

His spit-ups now are just normal baby urps. For the first couple months, when he had to urp he really went for it, and could hit objects (or the cat) several feet away. This disappeared around 8 weeks, and I hadn't really thought about it since. Can't say as I miss that particular habit, but it was part of life for a time.

For the longest time, the funniest thing he did was his burp-face. Not when he burped (boy is crazy hard to gas-out) but if I was holding him and I burped. Which happens a lot, actually. We all know that yawns are contagious, but no one ever told me that every time I burped him, I would generate one of my own! And every time I did, he would tense up, and shake his head, and turn to look me right in the face with a very surprised expression. An "oh! what the heck kind of noise just came out of her!?!" face. These past couple weeks, this has gone by the wayside too. I shall miss it forever.

I shall also miss the green sleeper with the moon on the butt, his fascination with a tiny stuffed zebra, and being able to set him on the bed while I folded clothes without worrying about him rolling off.

Jeez, Mom. Do I really have to be strapped in tighter than a frickin fighter pilot?

so much for staff unity

2009-03-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

If it was hard for
me, it ought to be hard for
you too. So petty.

Worst Mommy of the Year Award

2009-03-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

I knew better, but I was in a hurry. I laid him on the desk, turned for 1.223 seconds to grab a folder, and off he rolled.

Seeing him there, in a little heap on the floor, I cannot describe the panic, the literally heart-stopping fear. I scooped him up, was actually happy that he was whole enough to scream (never thought I'd feel that way!) and started to comfort him, as my first conference walked in. He had a bloody nose, but was otherwise fine.

He forgave me as soon as he ate, but I haven't really forgiven myself.
However.

Tonight, we dined with the in-laws and ahiru's sister, her lazywhitetrashlieinggoodfornothing boyfriend, and their two kids. The elder child, almost 3, has the verbal capacity of a typical 18 month old. Which I attribute (optimistically) not to her inheriting her fathers IQ of about 70 (no lie, he recently had it tested) but to the fact that she has spent the last 3 years in front of the tv while her father smokes and drinks in the kitchen and mom works. The only 2 phrases I have heard her say clearly are "I'm gonna spank your butt" and "fuck you."

Give you two guesses what she hears all day.

This all to say, that tonight at dinner, she was given beer to drink. Not in a funny 'she'll take one sip and hate it' kind of way, but in a 'she keeps asking for it and so she got a couple ounces in her glass' kind of way.

She drank it all. And asked for more. And my sister-in-law clearly has watched her do this before, because her only comment was that it was a bit more than he usually gives her.

Seriously, I am about to call child services. Here I am, wondering if it is going to hurt Pumpkin's digestion to have a couple tastes of sauce off the end of my finger, while they are laughing about how sleepy all the beer will make the 3 year old.

So altogether, I do feel better about my parenting skills tonight.

Plus the fact that Pumpkin is undeniably the cutest little boy anywhere ever.

Making Pizza

2009-03-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

He could flatten dough
spinning like a rolling pin
at the slightest chance

Shoes

2009-02-28T22:32:00.000-08:00

pat pat pat, bonk, bonk
amazing how freaking cute
on tiny feetsies!

phantom baby

2009-02-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

I know this is going to sound weird, or morbid (it sounds very morbid in my head)...

Here I am, pumping my lunch away, as usual. I have been told that to help let the milk down, I can look at pics of the Pumpkin. My office is small, with all the shades drawn for privacy, an old desk (mostly empty) a dusty phone, a green work table, some bookshelves with notebooks and boardgames, a counter full of drying dishes and red plastic cups for the kids, the constant "mm-mm mmwwOOo" of the pump.

Normal, teachery, middle-schooly stuff. So the overly-dramatic feeling is pretty much out of place.

But my arms are tingling. Looking at the image on my screensaver of the Hubby in the kitchen, holding the Pumpkin in his candy-cane pj's, is giving me this tingly feeling like there is a phantom baby in my arms. Kinda like (I can only imagine, thank goodness) they say that when you lose a limb, you still feel it there.

My baby is at home, but I still feel him here. Don't know if it's cool, or creepy, or just strange.

check out the sweety at 11 o'clock

2009-02-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

Reality, or
prejudice? He's way cuter
than other babies.

fingers

2009-02-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

Hey! These here things move

individually! Way cool!

Watch me do the gun...

more development

2009-01-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

I find myself amazed at the cheesy delight of me whenever he decides to do something new,

roll over: He did this at thanksgiving, then stopped for a while, we think because he hates being on his tummy and was getting pissed that he kept ending up there. Cue the evil giggles from mommy.

Pick up a rattle: Pumpkin did this the first time in my classroom during prep - I squealed like one of my students meeting fricking Edward from Twilight. Ooooh! He PICKED it UP!!!!!!!!!! He SHOOK it! Honey, did you see that??!!??

drink from a bottle: Yeah, this one has been an ongoing quest. All the baby books say to introduce the bottle at 5 weeks - so they won't get nipple confusion, but aren't too stubborn to take it yet. My fluffy white ass. From week 5 to week 17, he took a total of 4 bottles. I went back to work at week 14, so for 3 weeks now he has been screaming and hungry all frickity frackity day while I am gone. If you think it is hard enough to leave the baby in the am, try doing it with the certain knowledge that said bundle of beauty is going to starve himself all day for missing you. But this week we finally had the breakthrough - suddenly he will take any bottle, any nipple, he's hungry as a horse. Never thought I'd be so proud of someone sucking on a piece of plastic.

notice the cats: We have been wondering when this would happen. The cats pretty well ignore him, except of course for bolting when he cries. But this past week or so, he has started watching them walk by and jump and get petted. I took his hand and had him pet Aki yesterday, and he had the biggest smile! He also, for the first time, noticed that the other babies at Birth to 3 are cute and interesting:

new sounds: Pumkin has recently discovered that he can make wet ghgghghghg noises, and that I cannot resist doing it back. Also now with the pttbpppttb's. And the other day he said "ga." So I naturally repeated it back a few times. Apparently, in baby talk, "Ga, gaga, ga, ga!" is the absolute hight of hilariousness. It was like Chris Rock was in the room. And since it is a rare occasion when I amuse anyone but myself, I have spent the last few days saying "gaghghgg" and "pppthbp" to the point that it has entered my dreams...

Forgot something at work

2009-01-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

Fog softens the night

Walking to the school you fall

asleep in your sling

Back, again

2009-01-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

My leave was up on the 18th of December. So I had to go back to work for Thursday, but Friday (thank you, mother nature!) was a snow day! A one day trial run, and then two more weeks off, during which Pre

1) reverted to NOT sleeping thru the night (why, pumpkin, why?)

2)refused any and all bottles offered him

3)charmed the pants of his grandma

4)fell in love with our exchange student, and

5)was given a beartato.

Today, I had to go back again. I was a wreck the first time, just emotional and a big baby, wanting to stay with my little baby.

This time, no big whoop. I had so much to take care of, so much to do that I didn't think twice about it. I had to pump a couple extra times so I could leave milk. I had to organize the first week's worth of lesson plans. I had to help my exchange student find an apartment and get moved. I had laundry, dishes, a needy hubby, two needy cats, a baby that apparently feels abandoned if I am not holding him at any given time, christmas lights to take down, doopity doop de doo. So I got up, got ready, no fuss no muss.

Until I pulled into the parking lot, and my heart said 'you know you have to leave him in the car with his dad now, right?'

And suddenly, I was fighting back tears...

So yeah, still a big ass baby, wanting to stay with my little baby.

developing

2009-01-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

That one I just worked on. This one tastes pretty good, I wonder what these three would taste like together?

Rolling over is suddenly possible, ending the ease of laying me on mom's bed while she works around the room.

Drool: makes exploring the world via mouth go so smooth!

Sitting up is fun for the first 3 seconds, but I get pissed when I topple onto the boppy.

14 weeks already

Songs we sing*

2008-12-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

So far, we like:

Midnight Special
The Other Day I Met a Bear
On Top of Spaghetti
Darling Clementine
Sound of Silence
(Disney) Under the Sea, Part of that World, Be Our Guest, Kiss the Girl, Le Poison...
Old McDonald
Hush Little Baby
What's Love Got to Do with It
Ten Little Ladybugs
Under the Boardwalk
Cecilia
Just a Girl

* or that I sing to him, badly, while he listens patiently

Maternity leave is over

2008-12-17T22:11:00.000-08:00

Tight chest, like mourning

I can't stop dreading that I

work in the morning

Where's Waldo

2008-12-17T22:09:00.000-08:00

Susan makes a face.

I glance, Ha! We found Waldo

at the coffee shop.

2008-12-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

It is totally unnatural. Completely, totally, utterly... I am generally a well indoctrinated citizen of our country - I even teach civics and help indoctrinate the next generation. But this is one of those times when I would move in heartbeat, were it not such a pain in the ass.

On Wednesday, when my pumpkin is only 11.5 weeks old, my leave ends. The state of Oregon required employers to offer at least 12 weeks maternity leave. So that's what the school districts offer - 60 working days. And we only get paid for the time that we have already accumulated as sick leave. Which means that the last 7 weeks have already been unpaid, so I really can't afford more leave, even if they let me.

Which means that Thursday, 2 days before the holiday vacation starts, I have to go back to work. I love my work - I am nerdy enough that talking about geography and history and grammar all day actually floats my boat (hence the chosen career path), it's not like some people who never liked their jobs anyway. But I am having little mini, internal conniptions at the idea of leaving him all day.

And I know that I am soooo fortunate that my husband is at home, so he will be cared for by his daddy and not (expensive) strangers. This really doesn't make me feel any better, at all. He only calms down for me. He wants his mommy, which is totally natural. The real problem, of course, is that his mommy wants him too. I hate that he is even sleeping in his own room now, instead of with me - how am I supposed to concentrate on work, or students, or anything at all, when I know that he will be upset at my absence, and I won't be able to comfort him.

And this is not even to mention the fact that he does NOT like to take a bottle - as he has spent the last 6 weeks demonstrating. So it will be stressful for him, stressful for his dad, stressful for me.

Really, how am I supposed to leave every morning?

Amsterdam sounds pretty fabulous about now.

Sleep sack from Shiori

2008-12-06T14:39:00.001-08:00

Those kids in Japan

must be tiny! The label

says up to 3 years.

His own room, already

2008-12-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

I'm almost in tears,

but he sleeps peacefully. Can't

be so big so soon!

Snips and snails

2008-12-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

Random, but my favorite bits are:

His adorable smile (of course)

His perfect arms

and his gorgeous hair swirl

2008-11-24T10:37:00.000-08:00

roses are red

violets are blue

I made daddy change

your huge daily poo.

Raking

2008-11-22T16:42:00.000-08:00

It is amazing

in four days how many leaves

can fall from one tree

Meme

2008-11-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

just for amusement

Me in braids, such cuteness will

ROCK the internet

meme from Helen, my favorite blog

Baby group

2008-11-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

Bigger, perfect smile,

curls in his hair. Cutest boy

(I'm partial, of course!)

Boo

2008-10-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

chocolate in bowl

leaves and pumpkins everywhere

and practice screaming

1 month

2008-10-24T12:45:00.001-07:00

The house is asleep

rest calls my name. I lay here

soaking up baby.

2008-10-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

days blur into weeks

the pictures prove a month gone

baby, not newborn.

nezumi

2008-10-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

big head (smart, for year

of the rat) but who knew he

would be so perfect!

the only one I want to be there

2008-08-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

wakened as he kicks
my lung, I cry for wishing
grandma could meet him

ready to burst

2008-08-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

a roll, an elbow
constant motion, Aliens
screens in my noggin

His first hiccups

2008-07-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

Sprinklers? It must be
4:30, I wake up to
rhythmic baby bumps

Lazy Sunday

2008-07-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

cats and white shoes sprawl
around the living room as
July settles in.

Flight Path

2008-07-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

Look! yellow beak, long
neck, downy, backyard flight path
of fledgling herons

No one warns you

2008-07-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Expecting swelling
warned of fatigue, but he kicks
hard enough to hear

Early June

2008-06-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

Winding down the year
exhausted before I start
I'll cry when they're gone

Project Grading

2008-05-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

knrk streams
sounds from Portland. Grading flies
once the kids go home.

He hears them

2008-05-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

quiet, calm, Pre sleeps
student chatter comes at 9
and he kicks along

spring

2008-04-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

dripping pale green buds
roaring falls, trillium, moss,
worth the aching hips

xmas break

2007-12-25T15:39:00.000-08:00

antsy, how to sit
all day, relax, do nothing,
need to be busy

Sick. Again.

2007-12-16T00:16:00.000-08:00

they share their feelings,
attitudes, talents, hopes, loves...
but mostly their germs

That class was for little kids...

2007-10-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

They told me to take
away recess, to count beans,
to track their math skills.
Does this tame teenagers who
are never told no? Hell no.

symptoms

2007-10-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

sore week, dizzy day,
psyching myself up? Power
of the mind, or womb?

aaaargh

2007-10-22T15:58:00.000-07:00

how many times can
I ask a student to act
like a real student?

ups and downs

2007-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

Good day, better day
then down the drain, why can't they
steer a steady course?

2007-10-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

An expensive cut
after growing for a year
I feel so polished

Lazy weekend

2007-09-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

stern warnings aside
"the first year is so hard" - but
easier than last!

2007-09-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

breaking them, or me?
pushing in all directions
these bright, lively kids

1st week

2007-09-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

exhausted, sitting
more to do, lessons to write
right into the fray

Officially a Teacher

2007-08-09T21:37:00.000-07:00

Farmer's market lunch
eaten in the rose garden
paperwork all signed!

Employed at last

2007-08-06T14:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's official
coolest job in the cohort
mine, all freaking mine!

SweetLife

2007-07-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

sweet cream paradise
coffee soaked, chocolate dream
pastry shaped heaven

Knight Library, First Floor

2007-07-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

quiet. productive
readers, typers, no windows
a study cocoon

Resume

2007-07-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

Update resume
so strangers can critique my
life in bullet points

2007-07-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

3 pillows stacked up
lolling with Harry Potter
read it in one day

application process

2007-07-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

depressed all week long
just want a freaking job but
applications suck!

Rainy summer term

2007-07-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

grey out the window
rainy drive, jackets on chairs,
feels like a real class

Job Searching SUCKS

2007-07-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

smarter than many
better than most of those hacks
why still unemployed?

Writing

2007-07-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

choosing perfect words
edit, rewrite, expand, cut
summer spent typing

lazy sunday

2007-06-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

On the couch purring
amber and black, white whiskers
abetting my sloth

stressed

2007-06-21T17:32:00.000-07:00

balloon in my throat
mind racing to fast for sleep
just get this shit done

Cacophany

2007-06-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

geese or ducks could not
repeat themselves as much as
this. teacher! teacher!